In addition to the regularly scheduled posts, I will be posting about invisible illness and fulfilling some prompts in celebration of National Invisible Illness Awareness Week.
This week was a short one. I had Labor Day off meaning I only had class 4 days this week. Despite being a day shorter, the week was just as stressful.
I’m not going to break it down day by day.
On Tuesday I didn’t drive myself to class, my mom took me in the morning and both mom and dad picked me up in the afternoon. I was exhausted, the three days off messed up my sleep schedule.
On Wednesday Night/Thursday, my cat ran away but she returned the next day. I spent the afternoon after class looking for her, which left less time for me to do homework.
I was extremely exhausted all week, no matter how long I slept I still felt tired all day. The pain hasn’t been too bad, mostly spotty. Friday was the worst day of the week, all week.
I’m stressed about Wednesday. I’m so worried about something going wrong, anything going wrong. I’m so worried about the entire appointment. I’m worried about getting there, about the appointment, about the psych evaluation, about future treatments. I’m worried nothing it’s not going to work.
My head has been quiet this week. Any other time I would celebrate this, take advantage of this. The pain is nearly gone and I feel like I put up such a fuss, made a mess of things. I feel like I’m going crazy, like this never happened.
My mental health seems to have taken a beating this week. My anxiety was at an all time high and I had to calm myself down a couple times. As big assignments are assigned and approach, I’m panicking before I start, stressing out before even beginning. I’m worried about taking 18 credits, one more class than usual. I have extreme stress when taking the normal class load. I’m in class for the majority of the day, and doing homework when I’m at home. The only free time I get is lunch and dinner. I need to make time to unwind, to relax a little bit. I’m pushing myself too hard and it’s only the second week of school.
I’m off to class! I’m excited to go back, but I’m not too sure about this waking up early thing….
Classes begin on Monday at 10 am.
I’m conflicted as to whether to brand it as a good summer or a bad summer.
Back in May, I wanted to get something done about these headaches and migraines. I feel like I haven’t accomplished that. I have a tendency to set the bar pretty high and the level of success depended on others, not myself. I know I can accomplish any goal I set for myself, even some lofty goals. I wanted to end summer by being better. That didn’t happen. I don’t know if that will ever happen. I wanted to do Jefferson over the summer so I would have time to explore as many treatment options as possible. That didn’t happen. I go on September 10th, two weeks into class. Having to miss a day of school to go there was the last thing I wanted to do. I am limited in my options because of this. I can’t do a couple of the options (inpatient or any that involve multiple visits) they have because of class.
I wanted to get a job at the beginning of summer. That didn’t happen either. The migraines and headaches deterred me. I convinced myself that I didn’t need a job. I justified it by calling my choice self care, that a job would cause unnecessary stress and I would be unreliable because of my head and doctor appointments.
I didn’t take any classes over the summer because they weren’t any that interested me, and none that I needed.
But I did some good things this summer. I hung out with good friends, bonfire every chance I got, laughed, and stargazed. I’m happy about that. I started this blog. I think that’s the greatest accomplishment of the summer. I reached out to others on the internet and found others who experience the same thing I do. I stuck with the blog, kept writing and reached out to others. I shared my story with others who have migraines and others without migraines. I connected with migrainuers and broke stigma with people without migraines, giving them a glimpse into life with migraines, that it’s not just a headache – that it’s more than a headache. Writing this blog has helped me a lot too, sharing my story, connecting with others, and feeling not so alone with my head pain.
So, I’m going to chalk it up as a good summer, focusing on the good parts rather than where I fell short on recovery. I made progress on recovery – setting up appointments in the future and moving onto another doctor, and forming bonds with doctors I have now. I’m going to remember the nights where I laughed, stargazed and spent time with friends and family. Good things are still yet to come.
First of all, thank you! I want to thank Maria and Skylar for nominating me for this award. Wow, I still can’t believe people read my blog let alone nominate me for the Liebster Award. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Here were the rules…
- Thank the person who nominated you for the award
- Display the banner/sticker/logo on your blog
- Answer the questions the award giver asked
- List 11 facts about yourself
- List your 11 nominees. Supposed to be with 200 followers or less. No tagbacks.
- I am a junior in college. My major is Secondary Education – English. I want to be a high school English teacher. I have always wanted to do something education related since I was 9 years old. It wasn’t until freshman year of high school (15) I decided to concentrate in English. I am very passionate about education.
- In addition to having migraines, I have asthma. I was diagnosed when I was 7 after a week long stint in the hospital before Christmas. Before my diagnosis, I was mistakenly diagnosed with bronchitis and/or pneumonia every winter. My asthma “trigger” is cold, dry air and live pine “Christmas” trees. I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This manifests as intense cramps when I have my period but other than that, it’s all normal.
- I am the middle child. I have an older brother, 18 years older than me and a younger sister 18 months younger than me. I am a lot closer to my sister than my brother.
- While on the topic of family, my heritage is Greek, Polish and German. An odd mix, I know.
- I am a Netflix addict. My favorite shows are Doctor Who, Sherlock, Fringe, and Orange is The New Black.
- I love literature and reading. My favorite genre of literature is science fiction. Nothing beats a good sci fi read. I also love coming of age literature and classic literature and all literature really.
- I’m queer which means I date awesome people regardless of what they have going on in their pants.
- I am liberal and a huge feminist. I go on and on about liberal and feminist issues for hours and hours. If I’m going on a rant, it usually means I’m feeling pretty good.
- I spoke about migraines at a composition conference held at my university on the freshman panel. It was the first time I didn’t feel alone with my migraines.
- In middle school and high school, I use to write novella length fantasy and sci fi fiction. I use to do NaNoWriMo (50,000 words in 30 days) and won a couple of time. This drove me to choose the style of writing for this blog. Instead of life updates where I summarize what happened, I chose to rely on fiction writing experience and submerse the reader in my life with migraines.
- I hate the beach – it’s disgusting.
Maria ask me…
- Favorite comfort food? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
- Favorite childhood movie? Aristocats! (Still one of my favorites)
- Favorite current movie? Upstream Colour
- Favorite book? Slaughterhouse Five
- Favorite YouTuber? Roosterteeth
- Favorite actor/actress? Benedict Cumberbatch
- Favorite song? It’s a tie between “I Wanna Get Better” by Bleachers or “Migraine” by Twenty One Pilots – both a migrainuer’s anthem.
- Website you cannot go one day without? WordPress, tumblr, reddit or youtube
- Clothing article or accessory you feel naked without? My anatomically correct heart necklace or Converse
- Pet peeve? When people play music simultaneously and when people spell my name (Emily) like “Emma Leigh” or “Emmalee” or some other WRONG way.
- Number one reason you keep blogging? So others don’t feel quite so alone when it comes to this whole migraine thing. I didn’t meet any other migrainuers until I was 19 (after having them for 6 years) and felt incredibly alone. I want to get in touch with other kids who are suffering and share my story so they know they are not alone.
Skylar asked me…
- Three things you’re passionate about? I am passionate about education, English literature, and feminism.
- If you could relive a day or an event which would you choose and why? The first one that comes to mind is meeting my best friend.
- Coffee or Tea? Neither – hot chocolate
- Coke/Pepsi? Pepsi all the way
- Earliest childhood memory? Watching cartoons as a kid.
- Favourite pass time? Reading
- Most exciting place you’ve visited? New York City
- The last thing you ate prior to answering these questions? Peach Cobbler
- What’s playing on the radio now? Bad Blood – Bastille
- If you could change one thing about your life what would it be? No more migraines would be the obvious answer but it’s true.
Here are my nominations!
(If you have all ready been nominated, feel free to either ignore this or answer my questions if you like. It’s entirely up to you)
My questions are…
- What was your favorite subject in school?
- What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done?
- What accomplishment are you most proud of?
- Worst habit?
- What were you like in high school?
- What are you afraid of?
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- What is your favorite book?
- What one thing would you change if you had to do it over?
- What has been your biggest challenge?
- What’s your middle name?
All right, I think this wraps it up. I want to thank everyone again. Thank you. Feel free to answer my questions or completely ignore this.
I have a very long weekend ahead of me. It’s my dad’s birthday today and I never got a chance to run down to the mall to get him anything. I was going to go today before dinner but I just can’t. My head hurts and I’m exhausted. I just can’t do it and I feel like such an awful person for it. It’s his birthday and I feel like I should be able to pull it together enough for one day but I can’t. I feel so guilty, again.
On Sunday, I’m (tentatively) going to my uncle’s house to see some cousins and an aunt from New York. It’s just really stressful whenever I go to my uncle’s house because one, they insist on talking politics – they’re all very conservative and I’m very liberal and two, I’m not out to them and they insist on asking me about the boys at school rather than you know academics. I’m there for a degree in English and education, a BSED not a MRS degree. I’m not there for a husband. It’s just going to be very stressful and I know it’s going to trigger a migraine just from the sheer stupidity I’m going to be surrounded by. I’m sure I’ll get all kinds of unsolicated advice on what to do for my migraine, a bunch of ideas from Dr. Oz because they have nothing better to do than watch afternoon tv. But then again, I’ll feel guilty if I don’t go because I know my Nana will want me there, etc, etc.
I just don’t want to do it.
Is it Monday yet?