It’s been like a month since I published anything. It’s a combination of too many things. School picked up a lot faster than I realized. It literally swept me off my feet – not in the romantic way – rather the ripped the floor out from under me and I was in free fall scrambling for any type of purchase.
I went to Jeff on Tax Day. It was good – we’re keeping on keeping on but recently since the appointment I think an increase of the dosage would have been beneficial.
I had final projects due before the week of finals (who the fuck does that?). I have finals a few days and the days I wasn’t being tested I was studying or writing papers.
I think I could have at least told my readers but I didn’t. I had “blog post” in my to-do list for a while but I just removed it. I wanted to pretend I wasn’t that girl for a little bit the one with migraines all the time. I took it off my list and stopped worrying about it. I took way too much otc pain killers and when they didn’t work I slept. Almost a month of denying it. Denying I had a disability, denying that my body doesn’t work right. I put off going to the pharmacy – sending other people – to pick up my medicine so I wouldn’t have to be a 20-something picking up anti depressants getting looks from the pharmacist, from the technicians I went to high school with. I didn’t think about taking the cymbalta, the near constant dizziness (a side effect), and having to take this the rest of my life. It was a vacation from myself. I listened to a few of my friends talk about therapy while I didn’t think about how I should probably go back but can’t. I can’t because I’m in such denial about everything.
Not opening a new blog post just added to the image of being normal. I don’t blog about a condition I pretend I don’t have.