I’ve changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I find myself happier, laughing more, just more content. It’s because I don’t have headaches as frequently. Sometimes, it’s like I’m at the top. The person I was suppose to be. But then it’s a tailspin but the headaches come back. From stress, from not drinking enough water, from not eating enough or the wrong thing. I have moments where I’m asking who the person in the mirror is. I don’t recognize her. Without the headaches, I’m a completely different person. I can’t believe how much they’ve influenced me in the past.
Who am I now? How many people – who knew, would refer to me as “Emily – with headaches”. I always did. They were like a disclaimer. We were synonymous.
I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel more like myself when I have a slight headache then when I don’t. Not having a headache is like an out of body experience. I catch myself – I’m too happy, too loud, too obnoxious.I was never like that before… not before – during. I can’t remember before the headache, I was so young it was before I developed most of my personality. I was never like that during my headaches. I was much more reserved, quiet. I was constantly in a flight mode. Obligations were short as possible and I spent as much time in my safe spaces as possible. Now I’m out and about exploring the world.
The headaches happened during such a developmental time in my life. They are a part of me. Now I feel like I’m missing a part.