Lately I’ve been very anxious about my migraines and my future. The constant cycle of “I’m doing all right now but what about tomorrow?” running through my head. The ache when I’m in the classroom terrifies me. When I’m a student and when I’m a student teacher. The student teacher ache scares me more because I can’t immediately take care of myself, those kids need my full attention. I’m worried what it would look like if I tried to sneak away to take some tylenol. I’m worried that the lights will be too bright, or the kids too loud. I’m scared that I’m going to stumble over my words, seem like an idiot.

I’m worried my friends will get sick of it, of them, of me. It’s happened before, where they stopped believing me and turned me into a liar in their eyes. I’m worried I’m going to be alone again with the headaches and migraines.

I’m worried I’m not going to be able to process how headaches fit into my life, into my identity. I’m managing them but they’re pushing, hard.  They’re pushing and pulling and I’m going to give sooner or later. And I worry about that moment.


9 thoughts on “Anxious

  1. Its rough when your pain feeds into the fear and the fear just creates more headaches! Its hard to break the fear/pain cycle. I’ve been working on it for years, and still am not successful some days. I hope you can find a way out of the rut!


  2. So understand! I hope that it gets easier to manage and you think about the joy and love you have for teaching that will supersede the aches. I know it’ll be there but hopefully it’ll help dull the edge as you go forward.


  3. Anxiety and migraines go hand in hand. When I was having chronic daily headaches with migraine I was taking Xanax.


  4. This is a really good time to talk to a therapist about coping mechanisms. There are ways to manage both the problems you see coming and the worries you have about them, and a good therapist/counselor/psychologist type person could help you with them. There are also Americans With Disabilities Act bits that can help you talk with your employers and set up both your employment with a disability and your classrooms to your best usage. I speak from 20+ years migraine experience, watching migraines destroy all I worked for; if I had my advice at the beginning, I could have saved myself much misery.


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