There is a quiet lull that falls between Christmas and New Years in my house, where everyone is home and everything is relatively quiet. I’ve been busy, between shopping and baking. I am the sole person in my house who bakes. I made all the Christmas cookies this year as I do every year for the most part. It meant late nights where I would be mixing dough that needed to be refrigerated over night and baking dough that didn’t need that or was all ready chilled. I visited lots of family.
This was the first year I didn’t get something headache related as a Christmas present. In previous years, I got a head massager and a heated neck pillow, a vibrating neck pillow, heating pads, and miscellaneous balms or lotions. All cure-alls for headaches. I had a slight headache Christmas day from waking up early and staying up late the night before, from baking a ton. Nothing comparable to headaches and migraines of Christmas past. I think I was most worried about the headache I would have on Christmas day more than anything else. I was worried about driving to pick up my grandmother with a headache, having a house full with a headache, and not being able to escape with a headache. When my sister left to visit her boyfriend’s family, I was able to take some Aleve and lay down for a while. I dozed off and that seemed to help the most.
Slowly, I’m having headaches every day again, slight ones but there are still a few break out ones. Not migraines but bad tension headaches. I’m avoiding taking medicine for them, just riding them out rather than curing them.
More and more of myself is showing through, as people keep commenting. I never notice it, but someone will comment that I look or am acting like I’m feeling better. I don’t know if its the headaches or the depression. The depression is much more prominent in the winter months, with the added headaches. On days where there is consistent sun, I feel better. I don’t know if it’s that or if I’m just in a better mood when it’s sunny.
The biggest struggle now is to separate my identity from the headaches. Who am I if I’m not a walking headache? It’s exciting and scary at the same time.
And a bigger question… will this relief last?