My mom had all ready agreed to drive that morning. I knew I was going to be up late studying and have to get up earlier than usual.
I woke up with a massive headache and migraine. My entire head throbbed, it wasn’t localized to one side. The pain radiated down my neck. Any other day I would have stayed home. I wouldn’t have even gotten up. I would have emailed my professors from bed. I would have went back to sleep. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to make up finals with such short notice.
I felt like I was facing one of my worst fears. There was no time to be terrified, for my mind to run a hundred different scenarios, for my anxiety to fully set in. There was too much pain. That’s all there was.
But I had no other choice but to fail two finals for two different classes.
I had even quit early the night before when the headache first graced me with its appearance. But there was no grace, nothing admirable about it’s arrival. It was like a freight train hit my head. Absent one moment and then there the next. I’m left picking up the pieces of the wreckage. I feel like I’m left picking up fragments of my skull, completely obliterated. It took everything I had to stumble across the room and collapse onto the bed.
I woke up with the same migraine from the night before. Instead of falling into bed, the easy thing, I had to rise out of bed. I cried in the shower under the hot spray. I sniffled and wiped away errant tears at breakfast. No one suggested I stay home, they all knew it wasn’t an option.
I met my mom in the kitchen, she was ready to go. I wasn’t but I didn’t really have a choice. The car ride was silent and I kept my eyes closed the entire time. I relaxed as much as I could. I prayed for the vicodin I took with breakfast would kick in. We arrived forty minutes later, a half hour before my final.
I waited and waited for my migraine to lessen, just a little bit, enough for me to think. I even ordered something small for breakfast, thinking that it would maybe help. When I walked into the classroom for my final, my head raged on. I swallowed and took the exam from my professor. When push comes to shove, even when I have an awful migraine – one that would keep me in bed for days, I can’t always escape, I can’t hide and wait until the pain passes. When the migraines and life coincide and butt heads, I suffer.