When Push Comes To Shove

My mom had all ready agreed to drive that morning. I knew I was going to be up late studying and have to get up earlier than usual.

I woke up with a massive headache and migraine. My entire head throbbed, it wasn’t localized to one side. The pain radiated down my neck. Any other day I would have stayed home. I wouldn’t have even gotten up. I would have emailed my professors from bed. I would have went back to sleep. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to make up finals with such short notice.

I felt like I was facing one of my worst fears. There was no time to be terrified, for my mind to run a hundred different scenarios, for my anxiety to fully set in. There was too much pain. That’s all there was.

But I had no other choice but to fail two finals for two different classes.

I had even quit early the night before when the headache first graced me with its appearance. But there was no grace, nothing admirable about it’s arrival. It was like a freight train hit my head. Absent one moment and then there the next. I’m left picking up the pieces of the wreckage. I feel like I’m left picking up fragments of my skull, completely obliterated. It took everything I had to stumble across the room and collapse onto the bed.

I woke up with the same migraine from the night before. Instead of falling into bed, the easy thing, I had to rise out of bed. I cried in the shower under the hot spray. I sniffled and wiped away errant tears at breakfast. No one suggested I stay home, they all knew it wasn’t an option.

I met my mom in the kitchen, she was ready to go. I wasn’t but I didn’t really have a choice. The car ride was silent and I kept my eyes closed the entire time. I relaxed as much as I could. I prayed for the vicodin I took with breakfast would kick in. We arrived forty minutes later, a half hour before my final.

I waited and waited for my migraine to lessen, just a little bit, enough for me to think. I even ordered something small for breakfast, thinking that it would maybe help. When I walked into the classroom for my final, my head raged on. I swallowed and took the exam from my professor. When push comes to shove, even when I have an awful migraine – one that would keep me in bed for days, I can’t always escape, I can’t hide and wait until the pain passes. When the migraines and life coincide and butt heads, I suffer.


2 thoughts on “When Push Comes To Shove

  1. I have often wondered how’d I’d have made it through college with chronic migraines. I had headaches all the time, but the migraines didn’t really start hitting me hard until grad school and now I can barely finish one 20 page academic article. Of course, there are still days when this happens to me, but school is truly overwhelming to me. My thoughts are with you.


    • Thank you. Honestly, I dont know how I do it most of the time, I just wing it. I’ve become pretty good at it. I mean, there’s not a whole lot else I can do so I do what I can. School and migraines can easily become overwhelming so I take it one step at a time. Its harder when I get caught between a rock and a hard place, less room to wing it.


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