Developing Symptoms and Fear

The other day I experienced my first visual aura. Because of my knowledge of migraines I knew exactly what was going on. Without that knowledge, the experience would have been terrifying. With the knowledge, it still made me feel uneasy.

I am trying Zonegran for my headaches and I have awful side effects. I was warned about the loss of appetite and dizziness. I was never told about the muscle or joint pain. I was terrified when I realized the joint pain was becoming a regular thing. I didn’t connect it to the zonegran. The medicine I’m taking for headaches and migraines, for excruciating pain is not suppose to cause excruciating pain in other parts of my body. I was scared because I couldn’t remember when it started. I am scared it’s not going to stop, that it’s never going to go away. Just like the headaches. The pain in my ankle or hand was so insignificant the first day I didn’t even think twice about it, I just ignored it. It wasn’t until a week later, when it still hurt that I became concerned.

Pain has become a constant in my life. It is the one thing I can count on to always be there. I’ve learned to deal with the pain behind my face, above my shoulders, my headache. I can cope with it. Pain anywhere else is a shock to the system, I don’t know how to deal with it despite dealing with pain on a daily basis. A stubbed toe brings me to tears. While the joint pain I experienced could be likened to a mild sprain, it was immobilizing because I didn’t know how to deal with it.

When I made the announcement that I thought the unshakeable, sporadic, muscle and joint pain that kept me awake all night was the beginnings of fibromyalgia or possibly untreated lyme disease to my family, they laughed at me. I checked into the symptoms of the new futile migraine medicine and found severe joint and muscle pain, I knew it was that. Now, I’m not so sure – I’m weaning myself off the zonegran but the pain continues.

I’m scared. I’m scared it’s not going to go away with the last zonegran and I’m scared it is.

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4 thoughts on “Developing Symptoms and Fear

  1. I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this. Wow!. I’m sorry they laughed, that must have hurt. Did you talked to your doctor about the joint pain and before you started weaning yourself off the meds. If not please do.
    I hope you get some relief soon.
    – Skylar

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    • Yeah. I made the annoucement to my family, my thinking. My brother laughed, saying my problem wasnt serious enough when he has no idea what I go through. It wasnt as hurtful as much as it reinfoced how ignorant he caan be and how little he knows about me and my condition. I did talk with my doctor but I made the final decision to stop the medicine, it was more problematic than beneficial.
      Thank you amd I hope you are feeling well too,
      Em.

      Like

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